Fry Cooks on Venus, and other Career Paths
by Nyte Quill
Summary: Whatever happened to the Ferris Bueller crew after the credits rolled? Did Ferris marry Sloane? Did Cameron grow a spine? Did Mr. Rooney ever go to the zoo? My weird musings during a sick day. Rated T just to be safe.


Cameron spent 2 weeks in the hospital after his dad came home and saw the car. His parents got a divorce, and his mom tried to move them both to Decatur. She didn't realize he'd been released with a few fractures and an actual spine. He said no, and attended graduation with only a slight limp; Sloane came over and covered the bruises with foundation and gave him a real kiss, with tongue, for luck. They shared two dances before Ferris whisked her away, and Cameron spent a year at a monastery in Tibet before he came back to the states and picked a college with a good program that looked interesting. He ran 3 miles every day and kept up with his martial arts. He had his pick of girlfriends, and didn't let anybody walk all over him anymore.  
One day, he decided to take a course in creative writing. It changed his life.

The Bueller parents waited until their children were gone before taking a 3 week long second honeymoon, and coming back to make love in every room in the house. They took salsa lessons twice a week until Mr. B twisted his ankle, and then started this new yoga trend after he healed. They've never been happier.

Mr. Rooney had a nervous breakdown and spent 3 weeks having electroshock therapy. Grace came to visit him every day, and brought him bags of warm gummy bears and clean underwear. The school hired a new principal from Eastern Ukraine who turned the school into a slight police state, and Mr. Rooney became a guidance and career counselor. He and Grace got married, and she never even seemed to mind that the hair on his balls never grew back.

Jeannie grew up and married the pillhead from the police station. He had changed her outlook that day, and in return she got him into rehab. They moved to college together, where she majored in fashion design and he majored in business and lectured at rehab clinics on the weekends. They got a business loan from Jeannie's dad and started a design house in Miami. They were eventually absorbed by Versace, and spent the rest of their lives traveling the world as motivational speakers, telling kids to stay off drugs and look for the Ferris in their life.

In spite of his grades, Ferris was voted valedictorian by write-in ballot. He completely improvised a speech that lasted 2 hours and got a standing ovation, then disappeared with Sloane and resurfaced six days later in New York. He found work as a frycook and bike messenger for 3 weeks until he got bored, then used his knowledge of computers to play the stock market. He 'Ferris'ed his way into an interview with the head of an investment firm, and became the youngest stockbroker at Goldman Sachs. Within 4 months, he has a corner office, an expense account, and a girlfriend whose name no one can pronounce; he just calls her Binky. He has a string of successful investments and speaking engagements and love affairs. He buys a small bistro in the meatpacking district, and spends his weekends making Eggs Benedict and spinach omelets for fellow yuppies; it keeps him relaxed.

Sloane graduated a year after the boys, and spent her senior year as Jeannie's mentor and the most popular girl on campus. She spent 3 years as a lingerie model before she was pushed off a catwalk in Milan and got a scar on her calf. She moved back to the states and went to college, where she and Cameron reconnected after meeting up in an advanced creative writing course. They've kept in touch since he graduated, and stayed friends, even though Ferris never married her like he said he would. Sloane was still sure he would've, but way deep down, she just wasn't in love with him that way. They'd lost their virginity to each other the night before graduation, because she'd wanted to, and she loved him, and he trusted her so implicitly. It had not been what they'd expected from movies and television, but it had been a special evening and a good memory to treasure.

She and Cameron had a different relationship, more realistic and grounded than her high school love. He asked her out after only 3 weeks, and they stayed together through graduation, where he proposed in his valedictory speech. They lived in the city for a few years while Cameron set up his business, then bought a house in the country. They're very happy and have twin boys named Jake and Will because Sloane read _Grimm's Fairy Tales _every day during the pregnancy. Cameron keeps an apartment in the city and does consulting work a few days a week and takes the family on cool vacations. Sloane loves him very much, and only has an affair with Ferris once a year.

**A/N: watching FBDO for the umpteenth time while I'm sick, and this popped up. Because I've always wondered what happened to the gang after the credits rolled.**

**If you liked it... or even if you didn't, feel free to leave a review. Reviews are cool. The Walrus would leave a review.**


End file.
